Friday August 2, 2019
Friends are our fantabulous buddies whom we’ve selected of our own choice and have made them a part of our family.
They are the ‘Eveready’ batteries that instantly charge you up when you feel low. And if you ever happen to feel lost, oh gosh! Friend is the only way to go!! Friend is like a cool breeze that makes you forget all your problems in life. But when you get into a problem with your friend itself, your life is in utter disaster.
There was once when you could not resist yourself talking to this person. Then how come today you are avoiding the same person? Friendship is a relationship which is all about sharing, caring, having fun and helping each other in good and bad times. Then how can bad times ever overshadow this self-chosen relationship?
The reason is: the clashes between the two friends. Where there is excessive love, expectations arise, and misunderstandings and differences of opinion soon follow suit. Each of these generates negativity which eventually leads to clashes. If clashes are allowed to continue, slowly and surely it destroys the friendship completely.
What do we do to not let this happen?
Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan says, “Maintain a constant intent to avoid clashes. That indeed is what should be done!” So, to keep our friendship safe and intact, we must use Dadashri’s special key, which is, “AVOID CLASHES”
What about clashes that have already taken place?
No issues! Owing to the clash, you got to see your faults that were all along hidden inside you, didn’t you?
Param Pujya Dadashri, sharing his personal experience, gives us a beautiful insight. He says, “In my case, whenever clash occurred, I made a note that I have gained some good knowledge today! Clashes prevent you from slipping; they keep you ever aware! They are a vitamin for the Soul. Therefore, there is no problem if clashes have happened. To not develop a distance (between you and your friend) after clashing, is considered the right effort. If you begin to develop a mental distance with the other person, then do pratikraman* and set it in order. Pratikraman* should be done and a friendly spirit should be maintained towards that person! If the conflict occurs again, then once again do pratikraman. Because when one layer (of mistake) leaves, thereafter another layer leaves. They (our mistakes) are in layers, aren’t they?”
*Pratikraman is done in 3 steps:
- Apology. I have done so and so mistake
- Repentance. I ask for forgiveness for my mistake.
- Promise. I decide not to do this mistake again.
Pratikraman does not mean, “Oh! I have made this mistake, why did I do this mistake.” No, this will bring in another kind of negativity. Instead, you can directly connect with the Pure Soul (God) residing in your friend, and ask for strength from the Pure Soul to not do the mistake again. Then the negativity or the guilt-feeling will automatically dissolve.
Friendship calls for understanding, not necessarily agreement. When you do pratikraman, you will soon see good results and your friendship will once again blossom with all its beauty. When enmity leaves, then real love arises. Thereafter, there will be no clashes, there will be natural forgiveness.
To conclude, just like any other relationship, sometimes friendship too goes through a downside. It doesn't mean you stop being friends. Rather, ‘Avoid Clashes’ is the key. It will keep your friendship safe and intact!